These are some of my favorite scenes from the movie Under the Tuscan sun. And if you, like me, are a fan of the law of attraction and creative visualization then you probably understand why. 😉
Whenever I feel a bit down I watch this movie and I´m instantly reminded that no matter where I am, I am always exactly where I´m supposed to be, and in the end I will get everything that I wish for. (The good and the bad stuff so always wish for the good stuff!)
PS. And as a Grey´s fan I do enjoy watching “Christina” and “Addison” playing a couple. 🙂
Breakups can suck, or they can be the best freedom manifestation of your life. I have experienced both, and so have many of my friends, and so have most of you out there, that´s just life. One of the best ways of dealing with a breakup is of course analyzing it with your best friends over a few glasses of wine and a couple of liters of Ben & Jerry´s. Now after many years of deconstructing and analyzing the thoughts and feelings of the end of romance I have come to a few conclusions, and I wanted to share some of them with you today. This is about the toughest breakup of them all:
“The soulmate breakup”
First of all; some of you experience this everytime you break up with someone. You people need to get over yourself, seriously do you know how hard it is to find a soulmate in a romantic kind of relationship? And you seriously think you´ve done it five times in a row!? No honey, wake up and smell the hormones, your mind is playing tricks on you. If you believe you´ve found your soulmate five times already, then my guess is you never found one at all. Breakups suck, but you get over them every single time. Remember your first love? Do you remember how miserable you were when it ended? Now go to you second love, or even your most recent love, how do you feel when you think about your first love now? Do you still want to slash your wrists in pain over never being with him/her again? I´m guessing not… Time heals every single time, it wasn´t different the second or third time it happened, odds are it´s not going to be different this time either. It´s the law of relationships. You will get over it. You did not lose your soulmate. Had he/she truly been your soulmate they probably wouldn´t have broken up with you in the first place, clearly they did not feel the same way.
Anyway if this was a great love, you might need something a little stronger than B&J in order to get over it. I´m talking about our favorite defense mechansim; denial. Once I was so in love with a guy I had to live in denial and false hope for 6 months before I could accept the fact that he was cheating on me with a 16 year old (I know, ew…), but then a survival mechanism took over. I´m guessing my subconscious was done grieving and I was able to break it off, for good. I was sad for a few months, but not in that gut wrenching way I probably would have had to go through had the breakup taken place six months earlier. So yes, even if your friends may tell you you need to snap out of it, sometimes you do need time to process in order to cope. It´s just your body´s natural way of keeping you alive. Don´t stress it, you´ll know when you´re ready. Your survival instinct will let you know when it´s time to move on. Now on the other hand if this denial thing goes on for years, you might actually need to snap out of it though, that´s not healthy. You deserve better, and I´m not just saying that because it´s the typical cliché to word vomit out when you´re trying to cheer someone up. Everybody deserves to be happy in their lives, if not, what´s the point of being here?? Nobody is going to thank you on your death bed for being miserable your whole life. Life is not about sacrifice, it´s about being happy and loved, and if you´re with someone who keeps hurting you, you do deserve better.
In order to evolve you sometimes need to clean up and get rid of your past. In other words it´s time for a spring cleaning, throw out those old skeletons in your closet! (If you´re wondering what the hell I`m talking about, just keep reading!) This is an excerpt from a swedish book called Ljusfolket by Benny Rosenkvist. It´s about spirituality and soul mates, and this particular part was on relationships (both amorous and platonic ones) and letting people go. I thought it was so insightful I just had to translate it into english and share it with you guys. (I´m also publishing the original swedish version below.)
Try to feel in your heart what this person means to you. What is the reason you´re staying in this relationship? If it´s longing then it´s something that´s worth sticking around for, but if it´s guilt then you should let it go. Cause fact is we´re not supposed to keep everybody around for the rest of our lives. People come and go, some of them you have for only a short period of time and some of them a little longer. Do not neglect the short term friends, you have knowledge to pass on to each other, but it doesn´t necessarily need to take that long. When you are done you can part ways, and move on with your lives. Don´t be afraid to let go. True friends and lovers will find their way back to each other if it´s really meant to be. The other ones you should never feel guilty about. It can actually feel pretty good to get rid of some of those people that you are through with.
One thing you should never do though is look back at old relationships with bitterness. From each and one of them you have learned something and that is never a waste of time. You were meant to spend those years with that person and in that relationship, now you just need to figure out what you were supposed to learn from it.
Försök känna efter i ditt hjärta vad den här människan betyder för dig. Är det skuld eller längtan som håller dig kvar? Är det längtan så är det något att bygga vidare på, är det skuld ska du släppa det. Och det är faktiskt inte meningen att vi ska hänga ihop med alla livet ut, människor kommer och går, vissa har man bara en kort period, vissa stannar längre. Förringa inte det kortspringande vännerna, ni har kunskaper att ge varandra som inte behöver ta så lång tid. Sedan kan ni gå vidare åt varsit håll. Våga släppa taget. Verkliga vänner och kärlekar hittar tillbaka till varandra om det är meningen. De andra ska man inte ha dåligt samvete för. Det är faktiskt skönt att bli av med en del personer som man är färdig med.
Däremot ska man aldrig se tillbaka med bitterhet på gamla relationer. Man lär sig något av alla relationer och det är aldrig bortkastad tid. Det var helt enkelt meningen att du skulle ägna de åren åt den mannen/kvinnan och den relationen och det gäller bara att förstå vad du skulle lära dig av det.