The Breakup Bible – Tough love for the heart

Breakups can suck, or they can be the best freedom manifestation of your life. I have experienced both, and so have many of my friends, and so have most of you out there, that´s just life. One of the best ways of dealing with a breakup is of course analyzing it with your best friends over a few glasses of wine and a couple of liters of Ben & Jerry´s. Now after many years of deconstructing and analyzing the thoughts and feelings of the end of romance I have come to a few conclusions, and I wanted to share some of them with you today. This is about the toughest breakup of them all:

“The soulmate breakup”

First of all; some of you experience this everytime you break up with someone. You people need to get over yourself, seriously do you know how hard it is to find a soulmate in a romantic kind of relationship? And you seriously think you´ve done it five times in a row!? No honey, wake up and smell the hormones, your mind is playing tricks on you. If you believe you´ve found your soulmate five times already, then my guess is you never found one at all. Breakups suck, but you get over them every single time. Remember your first love? Do you remember how miserable you were when it ended? Now go to you second love, or even your most recent love, how do you feel when you think about your first love now? Do you still want to slash your wrists in pain over never being with him/her again? I´m guessing not… Time heals every single time, it wasn´t different the second or third time it happened, odds are it´s not going to be different this time either. It´s the law of relationships. You will get over it. You did not lose your soulmate. Had he/she truly been your soulmate they probably wouldn´t have broken up with you in the first place, clearly they did not feel the same way.

Anyway if this was a great love, you might need something a little stronger than B&J in order to get over it. I´m talking about our favorite defense mechansim; denial. Once I was so in love with a guy I had to live in denial and false hope for 6 months before I could accept the fact that he was cheating on me with a 16 year old (I know, ew…), but then a survival mechanism took over. I´m guessing my subconscious was done grieving and I was able to break it off, for good. I was sad for a few months, but not in that gut wrenching way I probably would have had to go through had the breakup taken place six months earlier. So yes, even if your friends may tell you you need to snap out of it, sometimes you do need time to process in order to cope. It´s just your body´s natural way of keeping you alive. Don´t stress it, you´ll know when you´re ready. Your survival instinct will let you know when it´s time to move on. Now on the other hand if this denial thing goes on for years, you might actually need to snap out of it though, that´s not healthy. You deserve better, and I´m not just saying that because it´s the typical cliché to word vomit out when you´re trying to cheer someone up. Everybody deserves to be happy in their lives, if not, what´s the point of being here?? Nobody is going to thank you on your death bed for being miserable your whole life. Life is not about sacrifice, it´s about being happy and loved, and if you´re with someone who keeps hurting you, you do deserve better.

first you much love yourself / myself / i deserve better

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